


Cautionary Little Guide

by Lupus_ex_Machina



Category: The Devil's Carnival (2012)
Genre: Backstory, Fa la la It's off to Hell we go..., Gen, Pre-Canon, Rated for Language only, The Rules
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-24 23:38:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2600555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lupus_ex_Machina/pseuds/Lupus_ex_Machina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just how *did* The Rules of our favorite Carnival come to be?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cautionary Little Guide

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this for a contest on Facebook a while back, decided to post it here as a first post on this site.

Lucifer surveyed his new abode, his domain, his kingdom with bitter resentment. _Cast down for my **sin**?_ Because of The Rules. God’s Rules. Eternal bastard couldn’t stand to see anyone upstage Him. There had to be a scapegoat and he made the perfect candidate—he thought for himself, after all.  He wasn’t afraid to bend or break the rules when it suited him. The other damned creatures waited, expectant and demanding. In the end, that had been their sin. They thought for themselves. They _dared_ question, dared to poke at God’s _plan_ , His grand scheme. They’d all effectively sold their souls for that chance to make their own destinies. A sneering grimace crossed the newly-minted Devil’s lips. So God had given them His cast-offs, his _mistakes_ , His unwanted pieces. This was something he could work with. He looked at his most trusted crony, “Take note of this.” The damned creature, never without his books, opened to a clean page and drew a quill from an inner pocket of his jacket.

“So they think they can hide us away, send us those _unworthy_ to grace Heaven’s halls? So be it. They called us lawless animals. A reckless hoard consumed with merry-making and rebellion. Prideful, willfully disobedient and gleefully inviting chaos. A carnival of unrepentant gluttony and wrath.   But we shan’t give them the satisfaction of anarchy. No. We will never give them the satisfaction of being able to say we do not have _order_. Hell is what you make it. Given the task to punish the unworthy, the unwanted the unrepentant…Let’s have a little fun. A carnival they called us and a carnival we shall be!”

Lucifer set his followers to examining and salvaging the left over and discarded pieces from Heaven and exploring the space they’d been allotted. Soon, tents rose, booths were constructed, games created and attractions installed. In true Carnival fashion, they each adopted an act and fitting wardrobe—a whole new persona. He wandered among them, observing, instructing. No one questioned his right to do so or argued.

Things changed as one by one, new creatures were added to their group. The freshly-named Ticket Keeper found the first one. She was broken, shattered into a million pieces. She’d splintered when God had thrown her aside. Slowly, painstakingly, he pieced her back together.  It was a difficult job and she was left imperfect—mismatched eyes, a delicate spider web of cracks spreading across her painted face. But the most curious loss was her speaking voice. She couldn’t speak a single syllable, but continued to possess an enchanting singing voice.

Once a creature wandered in and began tidying up the odds and ends that had remained scattered about or deemed unusable. He was quiet, generally, but would offer his hat for any kind of coin the others would spare in exchange for a song or tale.

There was one creature that had been skulking in the shadows on the outskirts of the wretched expanse, cast out like the rest of them, but not quite as sure of being “ruled” by Lucifer. But then he saw the Doll.  He’d been drawn to her. They made a lovely, mutually self-destructive pair—he with his arrogance and she with her scorn. Other than Lucifer, the Doll was nearly the only person the Scorpion listened to. And that was what prompted the official list of The Rules of the Devil’s Carnival.

Lucifer studied the self-named Scorpion, slouched against the doorframe nonchalantly, “The Ticket-Keeper and Tamer tell me you’re refusing to behave.”

Scorpion gave a mocking smile, “I haven’t seen any rules that I’m breaking. I mean, where does it say we have to listen to _you_?”

Lucifer’s expression darkened, “I _am_ the one in charge here.”

“Why? Why are _you_ in charge? I mean, why bother—we’re all out from under God’s thumb. Why would I want to submit to another arrogant authority figure?” he shot back.

He advanced slowly on the insolent creature, “Because none of you had the spine to stand up to anyone or anything until _I_ did it first.”

“Well, this isn’t what I paid for! I didn’t sell my soul for some half-rate carnival run by another self-absorbed, demanding ‘leader’! I want my fee back!” Scorpion muttered.

“I thought you were intelligent enough to understand our rules without a written bill. Clearly, I was mistaken. Very well,” Lucifer hissed. He brushed past the Scorpion and out onto the Midway, “Keeper!”

The Ticket Keeper hurried up, “Yes, sire?”

“Gather everyone. It seems I’ve been too lenient with our little group,” Lucifer instructed.

“Of course, sire…”

It wasn’t long later, he paced in front of them, “I said at the start of this that we would never succumb to anarchy, never give Heaven the _satisfaction_ of being right in that regard. And until now, I had assumed you all were able to do this without needing to be specifically told what is and is not acceptable in my Carnival. Clearly, I was mistaken. Though I am loathe to follow any example of God’s…It seems we need a few rules for our humble hole…I am willing, however, to accept some input. It may or may not be heeded, but you are free to give it.”

The Keeper immediately drew out his quill and a book. Lucifer nodded a little and he threw a dark look at the Scorpion, “First and foremost—there will be NO refunds of any kind, at any time. Ever. This is non-negotiable.”

There were some murmurs, a low rumble of discontent and Wick glanced around and glared at her fellow Carnies, “NO lip, backtalk or sass to our Dark Lord!”

He grinned at her, “Excellent!”

The Tamer cleared his throat, “No hope or prayers that God will save you…”

The Woe Maidens were all whispering among themselves before they stood up and announced as a group, “No monkeys jumping on _any_ beds!”

The Ticket Keeper paused and looked at Lucifer, who nodded acceptance, before he transcribed the proposed rule. The suggestions flew thick and fast—most of which were immediately dismissed by Lucifer. A few, however, were accepted such as the Magician’s suggestion of ‘No take backs’ and the Major’s ‘No music except the Devil’s music’.

Finally he waved a hand for silence, “Enough! The full list will be posted for you to learn—and _abide_ —in due time. For now, you are dismissed.” Lucifer paced a while longer after the tent emptied of his followers save the Ticket Keeper, dictating the ordinances that would ensure anarchy was not a sin they succumbed to.

As he finished, the Keeper offered up the list for his approval. Lucifer looked it over and nodded approvingly, “Very good. But this must be put on something that can be posted for all to see and heed—those who abide here and those unlucky souls God will cast down.”

“Very well, sire…”

Painstakingly, the Keeper copied The Rules—numbered one to six-hundred-sixty-six—to a scroll. It was scorched in places, weathered, beaten and imperfect, just like everything else in the Carnival. But not one of the wretched creatures failed to watch as it was posted on the Ticket Keeper’s booth.

Lucifer spread his hands at the entrance of his domain, “Hell is open for business! Let the _fun_ begin!”


End file.
